And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you”
-Sometimes when we touch-
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I’m finally back at home, after weeks and weeks in hall.
I feel much loved at home.
My dad just kept showering me with food. First thing in the morning, he bought me breakfast!! Thereafter, during lunch, because the food tasted horrible, I was eating really slowly. Yet, he stayed with me at the table until I finished at least half the bowl! Of course, that was not achieved until he finally took the spoon from me, and fed me straight. Haha! =X
And, my grandma just passed me a cone of ice cream! Oh man! Soda-liciously sweet! =)
I really really love them!
Black Hall has closed its doors for the last time.
It’s time to return to reality.
Pharmacists are dying. Yes, pharmacists in general, not to mention those who have other commitments as well.
Lab Reports hounded her day and night for the past week as she had 4 reports due! FOUR! Can you imagine?! IT’s absolutely insane! Nonetheless, she survived. She survived 4 lab reports and 2 tests! Whee! That’s done and over with.
Now, to catch up on tutorials and webcasts! =)
Jiayou! JIayou!
Jiayou to all concert members!
You guys survived concert. There’s nothing you guys cannot survive now.
Jiayou!
Disclaimer: Please read the following with a pinch of salt. No harm or any hard feelings intended.
Concert 0809 has just ended with a big bang on Saturday, 18th October 2008. What an end to 3 months of hard work. All residents of Black Hall have done us proud! I can’t say how proud I am of them, but really, their performance was a stunner. Absolutely amazing! Awesome, I tell you. While seated amongst the audience, I could not help but tear at every scene. They were good. No wait, better than good. They were simply breath-taking.
Before the performance, I felt as though I was even more nervous than cast. My heart was racing at a speed of 180km/h and I was really really afraid something would screw up. Although, something did happen, nonetheless, I’m glad it did not bring the whole performance down. Still, I shall not dwell on the unhappy stuffs that happened that day. What’s most important is that the entire performance was deemed a success!!
Thanks Yuko! Thanks Weiting! Thanks Brian! Thanks Eileen! You guys were wonderful! Despite everything, you guys are still the best! Really! You guys have helped out a lot and I really thank you from the very bottom! All residents of Black Hall would not be where they are if not for you guys. Really! A Big thank you!! ^.^
“Best in 5 years!” were some of the comments received. “Well done!” “Congratulations!” The comments went on and on. Of course, there were negative comments too. “It was bland” some noted. “xXx feel asleep” some said with a sheepish grin. Oh wells. Sad to say, although many positive comments were received, somehow 1 negative comment was enough to bring 10 positive comments down. I guess that is how human nature works? Not sure either.
Throughout these 3 months, I had an excellent time with all residents of Black Hall, down to the ghostly residents a.k.a. chorale director and dance choreographers. I don’t doubt we have conflicts and tensions, but I’m glad they were all resolved ultimately. And overall though, I hope each one of them had a memorable time in Black Hall. I really must beg everyone for their forgiveness – for my inability to scold; or my inability to get them as disciplined as you guys wanted them to.
Being the director for the past 3 months has really taught me a lot. It has opened my eyes to see how crude people can be just to get things to done, yet at the same time, it has allowed me to see the true side of people we will not see otherwise. Even till now, I’m still confused and uncertain. I still know not why people are so unhappy. I do not see the root of all unhappiness. Truly, it exploded like a bomb towards the end of comm. Hall week. And, to say that I have recovered is well, an understatement. If the assistant ghost mistress was affected by so much such that she nearly gave up on everything, it would be shocking if I were to say that I am not affected at all.
“…things have advanced to a point where I can no longer trust you as I had, because you haven’t shown any results with the trust I gave.” Somehow, to receive this just one week before the end of concert is disheartening and I am not surprised when the assistant ghost mistress told me that she felt like giving up and leaving everything to me. I do agree with her. What the upper bodies did just one week before the end of concert is to disqualify all that we have done for the past 8 weeks! Who wouldn’t give up? It’s as if whatever we have done is not appreciated and if that is the case, why should we give in more?
Seriously, it was really frustrating and totally disappointing to receive that just a week before UCC week. We were lost. We knew not what we did wrong. Was it just because we did not attempt to scold the residents? But why should we embark on a path that we did not believe in? Why should we do something just because others have told us to? Why should we submit and accommodate to others? Till this day, I know not why the tone was so harsh. Till this very day I know not what we have done, that was so terrible to warrant such a crude and blunt revelation – that what we have done in the past 8 weeks have been nothing but wrong.
What was most puzzling it seems was that the upper bodies did that only because of feedback from the other ghostly residents of black hall, but yet what we heard from the other ghostly residents was a far cry from what was described by the upper bodies. Communications break down? I know not. Still, it really is disappointing. Somehow, especially coming from someone who was supposed to motivate members instead of bringing morale down below ground level, it is indeed disheartening. Then again, I do understand that pressure from various bodies could have affected one’s decision to write out such tactless comments. So yup, I do not totally bear a grudge. I just want to know why.
“Pardon me, but most people liked Rendezvous for the plot and the script, not particularly the music, not particularly the cast; except for Ryan maybe.” Now, that is the most disqualifying statement I have ever heard. To disqualify music? To disqualify the efforts of all residents? And, this coming from someone who heads all? I am utterly disappointed once again – totally. Even when everything has been a success; even when despite everything ended on a high note, the upper bodies just has to ruin it all.
“Look back at Poppinwing and tell me what has already been lost when xXx directed Filodoksia. What more Rendezvous? It’s going downhill – alumni certainly agreed, and that’s the responsibility of the directors to rectify. Trying too hard to correct it is my mistake, not trying hard enough is yours.” Seriously, since when was it in our job scope to live up to traditions? I do not even know what was lost. Are we to stick to the old ways just because the alumni disagree with what we are doing now? I’m lost. I really still do not see what we did was wrong. Was it still merely because we did not raise our voices? If so, I really do not think that we did wrong. Even till this very day. I’m serious.
“The outcome is good yes I agree, but I cared more of the process than the outcome.” So tell me, what exactly was wrong with the process? Really, if it is still because of the fact that we never bothered to be stern, I really rest my case. If what I have done in the past 8 weeks is still deemed as poor decision making on my part and poor leadership qualities showcased, so be it. I’m really sorry then. I really could not care anymore. In fact, I would say that I cared too much for my own good.
I have done and accomplished what I have set out to do.
Residents of Black Hall had fun. Residents of Black Hall were united – more united than we were last year in fact. Residents of Black Hall are most probably going to come back to haunt RH again. Residents of Black Hall had memories that would stay with them in years to come. Residents of Black Hall forged friendships that would not have been attainable elsewhere. Residents of Black Hall put up a performance that was stunning, and awe-inspiring.
From a third person perspective, to really say that we have not done what we should have is the biggest mistake. So what if one may be present for 2 hours each day? To really know the residents, one would have to talk to them. To really know which tactic they can handle, one would need to know their personality. To merely sit and watch? All one will get are opinions formulated on baseless grounds.
I do admit. Mistakes were made. Perhaps disciplinary actions should have been harsher on certain people. Yes, I do agree with that. It was an error on my part. And for that, I really do apologise. And let me make this clear, I do not bear any grudge, really, I do not. I just was not happy with certain actions taken. That’s all.
Nevertheless, if I were to choose all over again, I still would have taken up the role of a director. Residents of Black Hall just make everything worth it, especially how they looked for us even when Black Hall closed down. If not for them, I really doubt either of the ghostly mistresses would have held on for UCC week. =)
There, I’ve wrote everything. I do not say much, because I just do not say. No hard feelings intended though, and I really do apologise if any of the readers out there were affected by what I have wrote.
After Concert, perhaps I do agree with him. I just am not cut out to be leader, due to my personality; due to my character. My character is too strong, and my personality too weak. He is right. The same things will happen again. Perhaps.
I’m super frustrated at myself; irritated with myself; disgusted by my actions. WEAK! My greatest flaw. Why can’t I just overcome it? WHY?!
“If your actions inspire others to dream more,
learn more, do more and become more,
you are a leader.”
-John Quincy Adams-
The stars twinkled on Faith @ 10:25 PM::
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