"Some things are so deeply imprinted,
that it's hard to remove, or change.."

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Singapore has confirmed its first case of H1N1!!
Now, the shop is going to have 'ks' people coming,
asking weird questions.

Hopefully, the number of cases does not increase,
else,
all hell will break loose!

Secretly though, I might be happier
'cause it means busier shop = things to do!

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I met my stalker.
If you guys remember the post I posted around 3 years ago..
yeah, it's the same OLD GUY!
GRr..
Am I so down on my luck these few days until this extent?
ARGH!
I can't believe I have to meet him again!


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Who likes a person who complains all the time?
Who likes a person who is sad all the time?
Who likes a person who is gloomy all the time?
Who likes a person who is a pessimist all the time?

I realised, few people will want to be with someone who is sad, gloomy, pessimistic or whiny all the time.
Sure, they would be friends, but if they were to be with that person every single day, it gets a little tiring.

People tend to enjoy more in the company of people who joke around, or smiles most of the time.
People tend to enjoy more in the company of people who laughs and fool around.
People tend to enjoy more in the company of people who are the optimist; who always sees a silver lining in almost everything.

And perhaps, I have discovered this long ago, and that's why I have become the person I am.
Of course it is okay to complain once in a while, or to whine once, but doing it more than twice can be irritating, and frustrating to the person who hears it, right?

I realised that I have hid so many things within myself that I no longer know how to get rid of them.
I realised that my blog is still my outlet for my emotions, no matter how I whine or complain to others, because I usually am upset over the same thing.

Usually, whenever something bothers me, I try to shrug it off, and pretend it doesn't affect me at all. On and on it piles, until it ends up on my blog, and then I feel temporary relief, as though I have got something off my chest, but a few months later, it'll be up on my blog again.

Oh well, that's me - with so many things hidden inside that I sometimes know not what is going on in that brain of mine, but still, smile! =)

I will be that cheerful person people like.
People just like to see others smiling.

So, look on the bright side, dear girl!
Everyday is just a brand new day, I tell myself.
Throw everything away! I say
And then, when I let my guard down,
Everything comes crushing down on me at the same time, 'cause I realised the sadness did not go away, it was just suppressed. Sure, it'll be overwhelming at that point in time, but after crying for an hour or so, it's ready to be packed again, and hidden somewhere deep.

Nonetheless, smile.

---------------

Customers are so annoying sometimes.
They can be so anal, or really demanding.
They can be so blur, that they get on your nerves.
They make you grit your teeth, and you sometimes wish you could just walk away.

Still, there are customers who are so nice;
who smile and say 'thank you' from the bottom of their hearts.
These customers really make you feel as though what you are doing is really worthwhile.
These customers are the ones that really make your day

--------------

What is the future like?
I sometimes wonder what my future holds, and I feel really scared,
for I see nothing in my future.
I really want to know what it will be like, or at least have a plan.
It's hard to get motivated to do anything, not knowing what the future is like.
It looks so bleak, somehow.

I tell myself, don't look so far ahead, just concentrate on the present.
Still, whenever I see myself 10 years down the road, I suddenly get so sad, because I don't see much 10 years down the road.

---------------

Mathematics.
You either love them, or you hate them.

Do you know what it feels like, to do a sum, but you got stucked. As such, you check the solution, and you grin, for you think you know how to do it. The next day, you encounter the same kind of question again, but you get stucked again! You get frustrated, for you know you have learnt this before! Again, you refer to the answer, and you curse yourself for your stupidity, for you understand, and you tell yourself you know how to do it. Then, the next day, you encounter the SAME kind of question again, and AGAIN, you know not how to do!

This time, your teacher looks at you, a little frustrated, wondering, when will you ever learn, and you know not why you just can't seem to grasp that mathematical concept!

Both of you are frustrated, for both know not what the problem is.

Clara, when will you EVER learn.

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"Why is the future obscured?"

Is it possible to even feel so empty?
What am I supposed to expect?
Am I not to expect anything?
Why is it so hard to not expect anything?

I realise that without expectations, it's hard to generate much enthusiasm.
Everything is just meaningless.
Life goes by.
Whatever happens, happens
Whatever does not happen, well, so be it.

Is life meant to be like that?
This sux.

Bored.
Just bored.

I feel like saying so much,
but I have no idea who I can say them to.

It's so sad,
to return to an empty house
after a day's of work,
not really having anyone to talk to,
eating alone
then retreating alone
into a room
with more than 4 walls
and then, not having anyone to talk to online
Then there's the walls.
The walls are always there
Always.
always.

The guy next door is so funny
He looks at himself in the mirror
nearly everday
sometimes only wrapped in a towel.
Occasionally, he'll be lifting weights.
what a sight to keep my mind amused

Work is dreadfully dead.
nothing happens
no one ever walks into the store.
I'm just like a clown,
self-entertaining myself,
together with the pharmacist and my dear partner.

I think I should give darlie a wash
but once she takes a bath,
I won't be able to hug her anymore.
Haiz.
And I'm so afraid she will no longer be fluffy and soft after she showers

Eating bread everyday for lunch.
That ought to keep my weight in check
with the deprivation of physical activity
I'ld be surprised if I do not put on any weight.

I really should start working on my prescriptions and reports
and that project
oh and to start thinking of float.

Kind of scared for float,
but who am I to say I'm scared?
"I told you so, right?"
Haiz.
Just scared, all the same.
No matter how many times you tell me
before.

Tired.
Suddenly tired.
Work
Float
FOC.
Amazing.

Why is everyone leaving one by one?
Why?!
This is so depressing.

Can't life be simpler?
Why must I think so much
Haha.
Stupid brain.
The wall is just there.
All ready,
to welcome,
the stupid brain
Haha.

I think I'm boring you readers out there
Oh wells.

Can I say whatever?

Tired.
Bored.
Restless.

I wanna go out in the sun again!!
Miss the sun so so much.
Looking forward to FOC, though I think i will be killed.

Float.
OMGoodness!
Just next week.
What with work as well.
Wow.
Maybe then, I won't have to bang my head against the wall again.
It hurts, you know.

Working till 10 pm tomorrow.
Kind of wondering what the night crowd will be like.
Probably dead boring, as usual

Super RESTLESS!
I wanna play badminton!
I wanna swim!!
Can we go to a wet theme park?
Zzz. Think it'll never come true in the weeks to come.

Anyone wanna watch Harry Potter?

Hot Hot HOT!
Weather is freaking hot!!
Yet freezing cold at work
It's amazing I haven't fallen sick

I read that smiling helps build the immune system
Perhaps that's one reason why I don't fall sick

Scared.
So many reports to finish.
I should really start,
but I really have no mood to do.
Zzz.

Maybe I should bang my head against the wall again.
To wake myself up.
Zzz.

Tomorrow will be better,
if I don't fall sick

Bored.

"My feet hurts..
And so does my heart."

--------------

I feel as though I'm constantly on a roller coaster.
Brought high above the clouds, and then plunging with the speed of light down into a bottomless pit.

I wonder how long will I survive,
before I end it
by myself.

-------------

"My feet heals,
but will my heart?

"Looking at the mirror,
smile,
and say
Today will be a bright new day."

---------------

It was a really sweet weekend!!
Although she had to work on Saturday, but someone came all the way to the far far east!!

Haha! So sweet!
Thereafter, they watched a movie, and then shopped for a birthday present for their friend's 21st birthday!
It was a wonderful, wonderful day.
Simply wonderful.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Loves.

And then comes sunday! Had lunch with the secondary school bunch,and caught up with so many stuffs! Working sure is tough!
Thereafter, rushed home to chauffer her brother to the mrt station, and then rushing down for the birthday party!!

Happy birthday, dear weiting! Stay happy, yeah? =)

And, OMGoodness, got sent home again! Wheee!!
The bliss of it all.
Loves.

Such a sweet weekend.
It makes work tomorrow seem less daunting somehow.
Haha

Sweet.

-------------

"Simply blessed."

"I'm going insane.
Laughing
And
Crying
All
AT THE SAME TIME.."

---------------

It is never be about me, I, or myself.
It should never be about me, I, or myself.
It should be, you, him, her, they, them.
NEVER me, I, or myself.

Girl, since you've always been the one there,
encouraging others,
motivating others,
smiling for others,
talking to others
don't expect the same.

Girl, wake up!
There will not be a person who will do all those to you
NOT!! NOT NOT NOT
Get it? WAKE UP
STop living in your own little dreamland,
STOP HOPING
STOP DREAMING
STOP CHERISHING your litle childish hope,
that someone
will always
be there
to enourage you
to pacify you
to motivate you
to stimulate you

FAT HOPE
Girl, YOU are the one that does all those
YOU are the one that pacify others, not the other way round.
YOU are the one that motivate others, not the other way round.
YOU are the one that try to make others smile, not the other way round.

GET IT? NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!
STUPID GIRL
SILLY GIRL

NOw, stop crying, and face the truth.
STOP DREAMING!!
WAKE UP
WAKE UP!!

-slap slap-

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Work has been tiring, and overwhelming.
The amount of drug I encounter each day is like, oh my goodness!

Nonetheless, at the end of the day, I'll have to be there,
to pacify,
to cheer,
to encourage,
to console
to try and attempt to rid that sian-ness of..
to try and earn that smile of..
to do something..
I seem to be failing to achieve.

To avoid being sian-ed myself
To disallow my tiredness from spreading
To maintain that smiling composure

To constantly make someone happy,
even if I myself am upset
To constantly keep my patience in check.

To always be on my toes,
to see
if the mood is black.
If it is,
to keep my mouth shut
and not let anything affect me
when I know that it is not possible
because
EVERYTHING affects me

Lousy Clara
affected by everything
Even when constantly self-reprimanded
and self-warned
not to care

But yet,
she always care
regardless

At the end of the day,
what does she get?

Just praying
for
an
ending.

---------------

"It was never you, or yourself.
It was always him, him, and him,
isn't it?"