"Time flies.
Soon, it's time to die.

I don't wanna die so early."

-Faith-

"Learning to grow in life
unknown way

Facing your fears
just in a day

The eyes of a child
taking their first step,
putting their dreams
into effect

Looking down the pitcher
and taking a swing,
just stepping on the field
is a really brave thing

The fireman running
up the staircase a glow,
putting your hand
out to a stranger you don't know

Peasants who faced
the tyrant king,
The independence bell,
for which liberty rings

A man who gave
his life for a dream,
What was his name?
Dr. Martian Luther King

The signs of courage
are all around,

But in the heart
the sign is found
...courage"

-Signs of courage-

--------------

I went to TJ twice today.
Yeah. Stupid me.
The invasion of the boredom anarchy has started again
That's why I'm writing this useless entry.
Still can't believe that I went to TJ twice.
Like something pink floating about in school.
Saw so many juniors.
Felt so embarrassed.
Yeah, a foolish and shy me.
Didn't see anyone I wanted to see though.
Sad.
Maybe just not fated.
Well then, that's the end of this uselses and nonsensical entry.

--------------

"The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them."

-Syrus Publilius-

"You all know her, everyone's seen her.
She's that one beautiful, untouchable girl.
Everyone wants her, no on can have her.
That beautiful untouchable girl.

I saw her everyday, I knew she's destine to be mine.
That beautiful untouchable girl.
Her smile brighter than the sun, her eyes could pierce your soul.
I gonna have that beautiful untouchable girl.

I'll tell her what she wants to hear till she's laying next to me.
Then she'll no longer be so beautiful or untouchable.
I've got her, this beautiful, untouchable girl.
Now all be jealous of me.

Cause I've got what only you can see.
She's laying next to me now.
What was once strong now weak,
once beautiful and untouchable now ugly and full of my fingerprints.

Completely destroyed.
My conquered land.
No longer so beautiful or untouchable girl!"

-Beautiful, untouchable girl.-

---------------

I don't think there's a need for you to read on. It's just that I'm really vexed and I'm tearfully bored to death.

--------------

After that terrible X horrible X vegetables Valentine's day, well, I thought nothing could be worse than that, but boy, was I wrong.

Days went by where I do things which I do not want to do, but yet I feel there's a need for it. It's better to hate than to love. At least if you hate, it's clear cut. Loathe to your heart's content. BUT, if you love, you won't know whether to hate, like or feel sad. Best is if you avoid people like me who has this tendency of throwomg people into a whirlpool of trouble.

I never knew it would be so difficult to make someone hate me. I admit. I tried it before, but my heart was pierced before my plans were successful. In the end? I decided to just let everything work themsevles out. It was my worst decision. I wouldn't be hurt if I had made him hate me. How I wish I did.

Now, I'm doing everything all over again. It hurts so much. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so rotten today. Who would want anyone to hate them? It's pretty senseless. Everyone wishes to be well-loved. So there you go, I'm senseless. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I have no idea what's happening. I have no idea what's going on.

Everyone is pretty much ignoring me. It's fine with me, by all means, don't talk to me. I have no idea where my life is leading anyway. No benifits will be gained from being my friend. Best if you don't waste any time on me, isn't it?

Half a year has come and gone. It's really fast isn't it? That's how long it's been since my prelims. My my.. It's really long. Soon, the results will be out and a few hearts shall be broken. It's not that I do not want to do well, but despite everything, I just know I won't. No use keeping a fool's hope. Why climb so high only knowing that you'll fall all the way down? It's uselss. How I wish I was smarter, or at least had some talent in something. Oh dear father, are you going to let me stumble through life without so much as having a niche area or are you doing this because you can't wait to meet me again? It's sweet of you, if that's the case, but I don't think that's such a good idea.

Chinese New Year is just a few days away, but I'm no longer excited. Everything just seems normal all of a sudden. Oh man, I can't help but laugh now. It's such a classic case Deja Vu. I wrote the same things after my As. Damn stupid. And no, don't worry I won't go into so much a detail as I did during my prelims-As period. But seriously, do you think I have a knack of becoming a psychologists? Or am I just a plain nutcase? I don't want to be a psychologists anyway. It was a random thought.

I really really think the happiness has been sucked out of me. It's been so long. When will it all end? Maybe it's because there's really nothing to be happy about at the moment. Tell me, is there anything in my life that's worth a smile? A genuine one? Is there?

Oh heck. It's just been a sad sad day.

----------------

"I won't ask for jewels,
I won't ask for a money tree.
I won't ask for much,
Just something out of reach.

It is known to be everywhere,
yet always hidden from sight.
Who then, I ask sincerely,
will lead me from darkness to light?

I had it before,
and it felt like rainbows and butterfiles.
In a day it was gone,
and all I did was heave a great sigh.

Like the twinkle of stars admidst the blanket of darkness,
Ubiquitous was the charm of it.
Like the sweetness of cherries and the joy of a newborn,
Irresistable for only sorrow forbids.

I see it here and there,
Such a treasure, such a wonder,
Yet out of reach it remains,
over the mountains yonder.

I do not ask for love nor money,
Just a longing to be happy.
So who then, will listen when I say,
Where forth art thou happiness?"

-Faith-

"I threw my life away,
for ONE happy day."

-Faith-

--------------

I have no idea why I keep having headaches. Maybe it's a sign. A sign that forecasts doom. NO, not death, just doom. It's different. Like similar and identical. They are different.
Headaches are okay. They are after all, quite normal. It is however rather annoying if it starts bugging you at the start of the day. If let's say, it only clings onto you for four to five hours, then perhaps it is forgivable, but it just has this irritating habit of hanging onto me for a whole day! It's like, once it finds me, it will not leave me till the next day. How nice - to be loved by one of the most dreadful thing on earth, headaches. Horray for me. I can't believe my exceptional good luck.

---------------

On the day before Valentine's day, it was like any other day, except that she was going out after work! Considering the fact that she has not gone out since... well, since, January 11th if she's not wrong, it was a rather mean feat! Finally! Out into the world once again! After weeks and weeks of being isolated in that small little world of hers, it was like taking in a breath of fresh air. Atlas, all is not always what it seems. Trouble started even before the day really began.

Her head pounded as she got out of bed and she could not help but moan. It's seriously annoying. That headache of hers must be retarded or something.

"WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE!" she cried out silently to her brain that felt half dead if not all. She felt like screaming at something that exists but yet isn't a tangible substance. Silly, but true. Resigned, she decided not to let such a small ailment keep her mood down. She was determined to be happy happy happy!

Work went as usual, although it was worse than the day before. However, this time, she has the end of the day to look forward to. It was definitely a rather effective morale booster. By 7 pm sharp, she quickly shut down her computer and hurriedly packed up. But then, oh no! She forgot to tell her boss that she wanted to take leave this Friday! Drats! Quickly, she and another girl went towards the boss room and tentatively knocked on the door.

Well, it went better than she imagined. Her boss merely smiled and said, "Sure, but you'll have to inform the HR department first."

Just as they were leaving the room, her mentor called out to her.

"Clara! Your phone is ringing!"

Quickly, she rushed to her phone. It must be one of her friends, she thought happily.

"Hello?"

"Clara! Where are you now?"

"Huh? I'm still in the office!"

"WHAT?! Quickly come down now! Can you take bus? Is there 36?"

"Huh.. er er, I'm not really sure. How 'bout I call you back once I reach the bus stop?"

"Okay okay.. Quickly!"

With that, she slid her phone back and after saying good bye to her colleagues, she and another girl left the office together.

At the bus stop, the wind was blowing like a typhoon as usual. It's so strong that you can actually feel yourself being lifted, but of course in actual fact, you're not light enough to be lifted. Still, you'll feel that tug. Without hesitation, she took out her phone and dialed her friend's number.

"Hello? The bus stop here only has 8, 65, 66, 154..."

"Huh?! Why the buses there weird weird one?"

"How am I supposed to know?" she replied, laughing at her friend's bewilderedness.

"Oh man, Clara, you're like in the middle of nowhere."

"Huh? Are you sure.."

In the background, she could hear her friends argueing with each other over giving her the best advice on how to get to the destination in the shortest time possible. It was really comical.

"Ask Clara to take a taxi!" came a voice in the distant.

She could not help but smile. It takes a no brainer to guess who said that.

"I'm not rich okay!" came the reply. They all laughed at the other end.

"What's the nearest bus-stop?" Her friend asked.

"Erm.. I think 8 goes to Toa Payoh. It's quite near I think."

"Yeah. It takes a short cut there. Hmm.. I think you take to Toa Payoh then take a train down."

"Okay okay.. See you guys later then!"

Phew! After a conversation that wasn't all that long since it lasted for only 5 mintues, but yet seemed really long because she was rushing for time, she was anxious for the bus to arrive. YET! Of all times, the bus has to be late at that time. Yeah, you know how buses are always late when you need to use them? Maybe it's just her. However soon enough she was running in Marina. Seriously, every couple was like holding hands, taking their own sweet time as they strolled like a pair of tortoise in Citylink, yet there she was, running past them like a wind, like a misfit in a lovey dovey environment.

Finally, finally, finally. She reached the restaurant.

"Clara! How come you're like working in a place that's in the middle of nowhere?!" was the first thing her friend said to her.

She laughed.

---------------

It's really weird how someone can always call me at the right time, yet someone can always call me when it's inconvenient for me to talk.
It's really weird how someone always knows when to sms me, yet someone can always sms at times which are just ordinary.
It's really weird. I can't fanthom why.

Nearly all the time, when I'm finally brave enough to step out, I get slapped in the face again and again. Perhaps I should just withdraw from this world. I don't like getting slapped anymore.

---------------

"The door opens,

but only on special days.
Once you miss it, well, you'll just have to wait for the next special day.
It could be tomorrow, it could be the week after.
It could take months, or it could even take a year."

-Faith-

"Friendship is a golden chain
The links are friends so dear
And like a rare and precious jewel
It's treasured more each year.

It's clasped together firmly
With a love that's deep and true
And it's rich and happy memories
And fond recollections too.

Time can't destroy it's beauty
For as long as memories live
Years can't erase the pleasure
The joy that friendship gives

For friendship is a priceless gift
That can't be bought or sold
But to have an understanding friend
Is worth far more than gold

And the golden chain of friendship
Is a strong and blessed tie
Binding kinded hearts together
As the years go passing by"

-The Golden Chain Of Friendship-

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY CUM FRIENDSHIP DAY!!

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing happened. "

-Winston Churchill-

-------------

LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR..
THE ASEAN FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP HEROES!!
CONGRATS AGAIN LIONS!

--------------

Woke up bright and early on a saturday moring only to be trapped and brutally enclosed in a torture chamber for one whole hour! What a start to the weekends!

If he thinks he's so smart, why even bother with her? Not everyone can be a genius. Not everyone can be talented. IF everyone were to be as talented and prodigy like, there will no longer be outstanding people! Friggin idiot. Must he rub it in that she's an imbecile? As if she's not feeling like some low grade person already, yet she still has to take in all those downgrading remarks while maintaining a super fake smile at the same time. GRrrr..

Anyway, who bothers with him? He's just another extremely ORDINARY guy on the street.

After that harrowing experience, she went down to china town with her parents! Both parents! Nice Nice! Mummy wanted to buy new pyjamas for her since hers is really in a ragged state. Tattered and torn, with her pants being extermely loose - hardly fit for wearing anymore! However upon arrival, mummy discovered that the place has closed down! Perhaps it wasn't meant to be? Nevertheless, it was not a wasted trip. Mummy bought lots of goodies! Okay, maybe it wasn't alot, but it was a start, although she has a feeling that mummy won't have the time to shop after this trip.

Thereafter, they proceeded to another part of china town where the departmental stores were situated. Mummy found some really nice pyjamas there, and being the only time that we would shop for the entire year, mummy bought for her 3 suits! It'll probably last 2 or 3 years, so perhaps it's worth it. It cost roughly 60 dollars! Whoah! Then again, it looks really really nice! Can't wait for new year's eve!

As they left for china town in the morning, she missed the chance to adore the wonderful lightings specially put up for the coming lunar new year! Heard that it's dazzling and simply awe-inspiring. Nevertheless, there's still time! It's not till 2 weeks later that it's the lunar new year! Despite the early arrival, the place was bustling with activities. A group of uncles gathered around an area and it seems as though it's a daily routine for them. What does it feel like to age? She has a feeling that it would be terrible if she were alone, but now isn't the time to think of such things! The thought left as quickly as it arrived.

As usual, whenever she shops with her mummy, they would end up running and this trip was no exception. While queueing up for the cashier (the queue was ultra-duper superbly extremely long!), her dad called saying that he has arrived at the place he dropped them off. Within moments of paying for their purchases, they flew down the departmental store, along the busy street, while accidentally shoving some innocent passer-bys (Oops, sorry to all!), before arriving at the place where her daddy was waiting. Phew! Thank goodness daddy drove in. Otherwise, the jam created would be atrocious and horns will sure blast away adding the to high level of noise pollution already present.

Still not having settled her new year clothes, mummy decided to head down to Parkway Parade. As they stepped into the deparmental store, the cool breeze brushed past them, causing their hair to lift a little. The temperature inside was a far cry from that of outside. What an invention - the air conditioner! As luck would have it, she found the one thing she has been looking for YEARS in the first store they strolled into! What a stroke of fortune! Mummy was so elated that she could not get that beam out of her face.

While in the fitting room, mummy kept nodding her head of approval and her stream of comments never seem to cease. Back at the clothe rack, mummy decided to buy 5 skirts and 2 shirts! She was gleefully choosing away, much to the attendent's delight. Mummy claims that since it's so so difficult to buy clothes for her, might as well get more. Not forgetting, her mum kept stressing that dressing up is a must in university. Sheesh! Like she's gonna do that!

Overall, it was a fruitful trip! Spent a total of 200 dollars! Including some item of her mum's of course!

--------------

Whoot! So excited! New clothes after one year! My array of clothes is so limited that my friends have even started betting on the clothes I'll wear on outings. Sweet sweet! There's still one more set of clothe to shop for, but mummy's leaving AGAIN!

Sighs

Never mind. I'm sure I'll find people to shop with me (though I hate shopping).

I never knew that hating to shop would be so embarrassing, but I guess it is a major part of a girl's life.
It got so bad that one day, after being forced to be stuck with a guy for an hour (the rest left, claiming they had work to do.. -.-), the guy actually had the nerve to say this, "Clara, today I shall teach you the meaning of shopping."

Dotz dotz dot. A guy teaching a girl how to shop. The world is indeed going one full circle.

--------------

Chinese New Year is in 2 weeks!
SWEET!

I better ask people out now, before all of them are occupied! My family is so so small that by 11 am, I'm done for the whole festival. Thereafter, it's time to rot at home for the rest of the day till dinner time. Why can't we visit other people, you ask? Well, after visiting our incredibly small family, there's hardly anyone else available is there? Everyone will still be busy visiting their HUGE HUGE family. I heard that some people take a WHOLE day just to visit all their relatives! I really can't imagine that happening to me. And guess what?! I heard that some take more that one day!! That's really incredible. Really amazing.

---------------

OMG OMG!
I keep seeing this white thing fleeting pass my door.
Not once, but twice already!
SHIT!
Terrified and freaking out!

--------------

This is a delayed telecast.
I wrote that at 1 am in the morning and after writing the above statement, I chickened out and immediately placed my computer in shut dowm mode and hid myself under my blanket, wondering what the heck I saw.
Haha!

--------------

"No man was ever yet a great poet,
without being at the same time a profound philosopher.
For poetry is the blossom and the fragrancy of all
human knowledge, human thoughts, human passions, emotions, language."

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge-

"God help the outcasts
Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy
They don't find on earth
God help my people
We look to You still
God help the outcasts
Or nobody will"

-God help the outcast-

---------------

It's Friday, but it doesn't feel like one.
I'm so tired. Exhausted. Drained. Brainwashed.
Yet I'm already way behind schedule. I've still got lots of things to do for the night.
That place sucks the happiness out of everything.
Must be the winds.
I can't see any stars tonight.
Figures.
It's cold tonight.
It's cold everyday.
Brrr..
I wonder when I can stop playing.
Short and sweet would be nice.
Enough babbling.
I better get back onto schedule, or I won't have to sleep tonight.
Sighs.
I'm so deprived of fun and laughter.
It's Friday, but what happened to TGIF?

--------------

"I ask for nothing
I can get by
But I know so many
Less lucky than I
Please help my people
The poor and downtrod
I thought we all were
The children of God
God help the outcasts
Children of God "

-God help the outcast-

"I got a new girlfriend, though I don't like girls.
I haven't much money, but I buy her pearls.

I'm always embarrassed, but I give her flowers,
and talk on the phone every evening for hours.

We go to the movies, and she gets to pick.
She wants to hold hands, though it makes me feel sick.

She likes when I smell good, so I take a bath.
I do what she asks me, and she does my math."

-Kenn Nesbitt-