“It takes 2 hands to clap, doesn’t it?”

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It’s a natural occurrence for people to take things for granted.

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A little girl stood by the window, her frame so small that only her head is visible above the window sill. She stood on tip toes as she gazed at the sky, hoping for a glimpse of an airplane.

“Mummy, when are we going to the airport?” she asked in a little voice as she turned to her mother.
“Not now, darling. Later in the evening, when the plane has landed,” came the reply.
“Okay,” she said with a sigh and returned her gaze. The sky seemed endless. She could not wait for her return. After weeks of her absence, she is finally returning! The girl’s little heart beat in anticipation as she stood there, waiting – just waiting.

A few hours later, she ran into her parents’ room and jumped onto the bed in excitement.
“Can we go to the airport now? Can we? Can we?” she asked gleefully, her face full of smiles.
“Darling, we are not going to the airport anymore. She is not coming back,” came the reply.
“But why?” she cried out, her smile disappearing.
“Something happened at the airport, darling,” her parents said with a sigh.
“Okay,” she said and slowly trudged out of the room.

She told her that she would return. She told her, she will always be there.
Empty words.

A few years later, that same little girl was older now. She was at the airport.
“Bye bye!” she said, hugging her tightly. The little girl returned the hug and smiled.
“I will write to you,” the little girl said and waved.

Back in her room, she cried.
Never was she to see her again.

She told her, she will always be there.
Empty words.

Years later, the little girl was no longer a little girl. She was on stage. She was receiving a prize. She was smiling. She gazed across the audience and realized that the people whom she wanted to be there were not there.

We will be there, they said.
Empty words.

A few more years past, that little girl is now all grown up. No longer is she the little girl she used to be. She sat in front of the computer and waited – just waiting.

I will always be there, he said.
Empty words.

Yet another few more years went by. She was on stage again. The lights shone on her. Everyone was clapping. Everyone was laughing and cheering. She smiled. She bowed. She gazed at the audience and realized that the person she wanted to see was not there.

I will be there, she said.
Empty words.

You would think that a girl like her would have learnt her lesson.

Now, that silly little girl sits in her room, looking out the window, wondering. Every bus that rambled down the lane caught her attention. She waits – in vain.

I will be back, he said.
Empty words.

She never learnt.
That silly little girl.
That dumbdumb.

She never learnt.

-----------------

I’m envious.
I admit it.
I am.

----------------

“When the lone man goes back home, he faces four walls all alone.”

I took these pictures from my neighbourhood. A long time ago.



A picture of Sentosa. At night. Pretty.



The first prize I received at a piano recital. Only my brother was there to see though. Nice award nonetheless.

How did I get here?

It all started on..

Oh no. NO! Not again.
But yes..

It was a good day turned bad.
Again.

I really should stop choosing things to do on that day..

Carebear says, everything will be okay.
And I believe her.

“A smile is a sign of love
A smile is a sign of care
A smile tells how much to others
You are important and also dear

A smile is a sign of cheer
A smile is a sign of trust
A smile shows how you can
Be happy even in hard crust

A smile is a sign of joy
A smile is a sign of hope
A smile teachers you how you can
Remove the clouds of mope

For nothing but only a smile
Takes away your pain and trial
And pick your trouble’s pile
And let you smile, smile and smile”

-Smile is a sign of… by Seema Chowdhury-

--------------

This is most curious! Why is it that Photoshop works so much faster at home than in school? The only difference between school and home is but the internet connection! Is that making a huge lot of difference?

Weird.
Curious.

I’m getting most frustrated at the internet connection in school! Argh!
This is ruining my mood almost every single day!

Irritating!

-------------

Why was I chosen?

Why?
Why?
Why?

I wonder…

-------------

Feeling irritated, but I do not know why.
Random feeling at 6:00 am in the morning.

--------------

Photoshop is being impossibly slow. It’s like a hundred times slower compared to home. What exactly is wrong?!

Tried troubleshooting, but I seem to be getting nowhere.

ARGH! Angry!

-------------

I feel like disappearing from the face of this earth.

------------

The war was on again.

Outside, the pouring rain daunted anyone to even attempt to take a step out of the comfort of home. However, being the silly girl that she already is, she armed herself with an umbrella, took a huge breath and took a step into the torrent. Being armed with an umbrella – that’s half the battle won. At least this time, she need not have to wait under a tree for a kind soul to pass her an umbrella as they drove by.

As she stretched out her hand to unlock her gate, she could feel the ferocious winds whipping against her legs. Click! Her gate unlocked and she took a step across, bending her head so as not to hit the top of the gate. Her hand was already drenched just from having to close her gate shut.

Clutching her weapon tightly in her hands, she walked on. The merciless winds attempted to knock her weapon out of her hands many a times, but atlas, having learnt from a previous battle, she knew what was coming. She grasped her weapon so tightly until her knuckles turned white. She did not care how much it would hurt for this definitely beats having her weapon blown away, leaving her exposed; weak; vulnerable.

Although she tried to side step as many puddles of water as possible, it was hard to avoid every single one of them. Furthermore, time was ticking. She was going to be late! She could no longer be tardy and this meant that she could not carefully pick her way through the mine fields before her. Not caring much for her socks or her shoes any longer, she strode bravely forth.

Splash! Splash! Her feet were thoroughly soaked. Sacrifices have to be made in order to win the great battle. Her shoes and feet were worthy fighters and ought to be honoured for their selfless sacrifice and boundless bravery, but that was for another time. Right now, there is a battle that has yet to be won!

Suddenly, the whole world lit up, followed by a roar so loud that it sounded as though an atomic bomb has just exploded within the vicinity! Frantically, her hands rushed to cover her ears, but one was already rendered unavailable due to the need to hold on to her weapon. Her footsteps quicken in a bid to leave this battlefield as fast as possible. The battle was turning ugly and she definitely did not want more tragedies to happen. Death is the last thing on her mind.

The never ending clangs of thunder sounded relentlessly overhead while the glares of lightning continued to strike above her. It was as though any moment now, one bolt would shoot downwards and hit her squarely on the head. Fear gripped her. Panic took her by the throat. No, this is not a losing battle yet. There was still hope. She will just have to fight on.

Her grasp on her weapon tightened as her strides widened. The journey to her destination seemed endless although it was less than 2.4 km. The rain raged down upon her as the overcast sky grumbled and rumbled. There was no one else around; no one else awake. She was a lone fighter. She will have to do this alone. Quickly, her steps hastened.

Keeping her head bowed, and her weapon angled such that it blocks the rain that deviated from a ninety degree plunged due to the strong winds, she did not have a clear view of what was before her. Furthermore, the heavy pelting of the rain against the umbrella had caused visibility to be reduced to but a few hundred meters ahead. Without warning, a huge beam of light flooded her vision. She squeezed her eyes firmly shut, awaiting the clap of thunder that would soon follow.

1 second. 2 seconds. 5 seconds. Still nothing. Curious, she peeked. The beams of light were still there. ‘Weird,’ she thought. She turned, and was shocked to see a car behind her! No wonder! Those beams of light were from the headlights of a car. Feeling extremely dumb and silly, she quickly maneuvered to the side so that the car can make its way through. Disgusted at her stupidity, she quickly moved on. It’s not long now before she arrives at her destination.

Within minutes, the covered bus stop in which she was attempting to get to came into view. She heaved a huge sigh of relief and a smile crept onto her face. As she stepped into the blessings of the shelter, she saw a woman with both of her hands clasped against her ears. She grinned as that is such a familiar sight. Glancing back at the hazardous route she arrived from, she smirked.

It was another battle won.

Till we meet again then.

----------------

Be Happy!!

HAPPY!
HAPPY!
HAPPY!

I should be happy, shouldn’t I?

Haiz.

HAPPY!!

----------------

What a way to disappear,
and of all times now.
What a way for me to feel,
not way up, but down.

There is a need to focus!
There is a need to smile!
Exams are round the corner,
please study, study, study NOW!

No time to mope,
no time to moan.
No time to whine,
No time to groan.

No time to organize a search party,
For what is lost just cannot be found.

Face it.
That’s life.

Not a time to mope,
not a time to moan.
Not a time to whine,
not a time to groan.

Now, be gone!
It’s time to study!!

-------------

Do not bring us to the test,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

---------------

“Happiness is that which everyone longs
but few of us actually get
Happiness is that which rights all wrongs
and leaves us without regret

Why then does happiness torture us so
when all we want is to feel
what happiness does in the lowest of low
when everything just seems too real

Happiness comes to so many of you
you who think it will always be there
Happiness leaves you without the clue
that living without is a nightmare

If happiness could be passed on
would you then give it to me
Will you then cry when it is gone
and realize what it is to feel lonely”

-Happiness by Luci Loughlin, May 2007-

“Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day”

-Home on the range-

---------------

This is my 100th Post!!
YAY!!

--------------

Whee! Just got back from Float MM’s treat! Thanks thanks A LOT to Thomas, Caifong, Giap, and JJ! The food at waraku is nice!! Delicious!!

And as usual, floaters were up to their usual crazy antics. I’m not surprised if customers were scared away! We were so noisy! Seriously! Tsk tsk.

Nonetheless, we had fun! I think only floaters can entertain themselves with a piece of tissue. I mean come on, we are what? 20 odd years old, and yet we are blowing a piece of tissue paper around? Haha! The fun we have amidst our silliness.

And gosh! The look on everyone’s faces when Thomas crawled under the table! Classic.

I really miss those days at float when we did not really have to concern ourselves with academic matters!

--------------

Exams are round the corner once again, and this time, somehow, I feel neither the pressure nor the stress.

No, wait. That would be wrong.

I do feel the pressure and the stress, but somehow it isn’t as strong as before. Or perhaps, I’m feeling the pressure and the stress because I know I have to? It’s like a routine kind of feeling or some sort. Maybe it is because of that, and that’s why I’m not really doing anything about it.

Disheartened.
Demoralised.
Discouraged.

The 3 most dreadful words to cloud my mind at sure dire times! I really need to study!! But after what has happened this semester, it really seems as though everything that I have embarked on is turning into failures instead. It’s really saddening and most discouraging.

Recently, all I have been doing is sleep. It’s like I’m using sleep as a form of escapism. I used to wish life would be so much better if I could live forever and ever in lala land, but I realised that that is not the case. Lala land is no longer the happy place it used to be.

Then again, lala land is but a fragment of my imagination and thus, still far better than reality. I can definitely handle whatever lala land has in stored for me, but I’m sorry to say that I cannot say the same for reality.

Reality. I hate that word.

Wake up to reality, Clara.
I hate that phrase.

You are no longer a little kid.
I hate that sentence.

Despite it all though, I know I must study.

Haiz.

Okay, shall start studying later tonight.

No more procrastination, Clara!

--------------

Finally! Our presentation is done on Tuesday! Seriously, I cannot fathom why is it that I’m spending and investing more time and efforts on a presentation that is but 30% of my results when I definitely poured in less for my essay which is like 35%? Nevertheless, we managed to clinch the commendable award. Haha! It is worth only 50 dollars. Although, better to win something, then to return back empty handed.

Then again, the exhilaration was not felt after we got our prize money. This was probably due to what I had to witness just shortly after receiving our prize. It was disgusting and ugly, but I guess that is probably the harsh reality of life. The practicality of mindset in which some people have is indeed disgusting at times, and I dare say pretty revolting, but I do not doubt that it is this practicality of mindset which would save most people from undesired troubles.

Haiz.

Sometimes, reality still amazes me, and I feel really stupid witnessing things I already know would happen; getting angry over matters I already could have foreseen; getting upset over situations I already might have predicted.

I am living in such denial.

Though, I really wish I could stay forever trapped in my safety bubble.

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RESIDENTS OF BLACK HALL!!

---------------

Yes, I know.
I’m being such a spoiled brat.
Bear with me.
This is after all, a blog – My blog.

And, I’m really sorry for sounding whiny or childish or spoiled or stubborn.

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“How often at night when the heavens are bright
With the light from the glittering stars
Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of ours”

-Home on the range-