“I promise you,
I will be your friend.
I promise you,
I will give you my hand.
I will lead you to,
A land that you
Can always call your home.
I promise you
I’ll care for you
Till the end.

I promise you,
A family full of love.
I promise you,
Like the stars are above.
I will bless your home
With happiness and laughter every day.
I promise you
I’ll care for you
All the way.”

-God’s Promise-

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Alright! We got our PSP!

Today, my brother and I specially went all the way to Hougang to get our PSP!! Our entire trip took 3 hours, with 2 hours spent on travelling!! Can you imagine? Though Singapore is small, it still takes up a lot of time to travel from place to place!! Nevertheless, I’m not complaining! Singapore has one of the most efficient public transport system, and I am thankful for that!! =P

Why did we get a PSP instead of Nintendo DS Lite?

Although, I really really wanted the Nintendo DS Lite, the PSP seemed to be more economical in the long run. But the games! I heard that DS Lite provides more interactive and interesting games! Haha. It’s hard to decide between the DS Lite and the PSP. However, we chose the PSP for reasons which I think cannot be stated here, otherwise I’ll be hounded!!

My brother actually let me choose the colour, the accessory, everything!! So sweet!! Haha. This is weird seeing that he will be the one who will be using it most of the time. I guess this is his way of making up. HAha!! Funny. So cute.

Love love love my brother!! He treated me to Mcdonald’s after that!! Yum yum!!

Alright! Our next trip would be to queensway to get new shoes!! I have wanted to get a pair of running shoe since months ago! No one took heed. =[

Coincidentally, my brother wanted one too! Yes YES!! As such, we decided to meet one day and go together.

Oops, I would have to apologise to someone whom I PSed. Sorry sorry.

Haiz. Why is society so complicated?! Because of so many restrictions and circumstances, we are unable to embark on so many things. Yet, if we do not take heed, we are merely digging our own graves.

Then again, great Men are those who went against society’s norm. It takes great courage to really do whatever you want, without considering what others would think. Naturally, it would be easier if one had the support of friends in the process.

I tried. Still trying, but with no support.
I feel as though I’m failing.

I feel like giving up.
Father!!

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After a near 2-hour talk with my friend by the staircase landing, I have made up my mind. I shall stay on, and at the very least get my degree. All other thoughts are secondary. As long as I reach my goal, it does not matter whether I strayed from the direct path. The most is I make a round rather than a straight road. Who knows? I might probably grow more, and experience a more enriching life just by threading upon that loop!

I’m lucky. I know what I want. I know what I want to become ultimately. My friend is right. At least I know what I want. Some people don’t even know, simply taking the degree for the sake of taking a degree.

My dad always wondered why on earth did I give up a double degree, with a scholarship thrown in as well, for such a mediocre degree which has no bright prospects what-so-ever. Well, that’s because I know that the double degree will most likely kill me, and I have no interest in it at all! Although, I have to admit that sometimes I do question myself if I have indeed made the right choice.

Okay, I’m getting SO ahead of myself. Study hard first! =P

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I just heard from my brother that my dad is getting a new phone, and supposedly for me! Oh dear!! And all because I casually told my brother and mother last week that I preferred a slimmer phone! Ahh.. Why is my dad so nice and sweet?! WHY?

In contrast, why am I such an un-filial, ungrateful child!! Why do I not miss my parents when I am in hall? Why? When my mum first went to China to work, I used to miss her. I used to wonder why she could only remain in Singapore for less than 5 days at times. Then, slowly, I started getting used to it. Nevertheless, I was always the one calling her, and then passing the phone around.

I don’t understand!! Am I that horrible?! What happened, Clara?!

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@#$@#!%$%

My thumb drive died! I don’t know how, I don’t know why, it just refused to work! My precious data!! All inside! All my memories! That one important thumb drive just had to die!!

-sobs sobs-

Why? Why? WHY?!?!

I feel as though a part of my memory has been taken away from me. Time was stolen.
Sad.
SAD!

I don’t wanna go to school.

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Life is wonderful

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help."
There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were u the one who changed my sign this morning? What did u write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what u said but in a different way."

What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day & I cannot see it."

Do you think the first sign & the second sign were saying the same thing?

Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story:
Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative.
Be innovative.

Think differently and positively.
Invite the people towards good with wisdom.

Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets. When Life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs.

Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve.
Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Each day is as special as you want it to be………

MAKE IT GREAT

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This weekend, I went home with the full intention to start on the project I decided to undertake. First, I would have to dig out my flash CD. After 15 minutes of digging, there was still no sight of the CD. Instead, I got my hands on one of my primary school CD. Memories simply flooded my mind, as images of happy times flashed across. I could not help but smile. I can safely say that the happiest period of my life is my primary school days.

A lot of people comment that the happiest days would be either JC or Uni. However, seeing that my university has yet to end, for now, primary school days are the happiest for me. Secondary school was disastrous, and I would be happy to forget everything that happened within those 4 years, thank you very much. JC was interesting and weirdly nostalgic during the first 3 months, but after that it just turned somewhat mundane. Of course, it was much more interesting than my life in Secondary School, but it still cannot be compared to the life I had at my primary school.

Previously, I mentioned that I have never been in any other musical in my life aside from Filodoksia. Well, on retrospect, I was clearly wrong. I have been involved in 2 other musicals; one in Primary school, and the other when I was in Secondary School. No doubt, the one held while I was in Primary School was on a smaller scale, being held at the Victoria Concert hall (while my Secondary School one was held at the esplanade, but an important fact to note is that the esplanade was not yet built during my primary school era), however I greatly enjoyed that experience more than that of my Secondary School’s.

I realized that when I was in my Primary School, I was involved in every performance, part of every play my class produced.. I was in everything!! I guess I love the stage. HAha!

Self-centered again! Sheesh!!

I really think that my primary school did a good job! Recently, in every hall production I went to, I will be sure to see one of my primary school classmate involved. It’s so cool! Okay, maybe Singapore is just small, but still, it’s EVERY hall production! Mind you, I’ve been to a lot! Even NTU’s! I simply love love love my primary school! It’s the school I miss the most!

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Okay, there is a reason why I wrote a super, ultra dubly long post this time.

Congratulations, if you have made it this far, but you can stop reading now.

Then again, if you insist on wanting to read on, by all means.

Here is a warning though, you might feel angered, pissed or even upset after reading the following passage. I shall not be held accountable for any emotional harm that you may develop. You emotional well-being is not my responsibility.

Beware, for you have been warned.

You are reading on, AT YOUR OWN RISK!

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“Seeds, scattered and sown
Weeds, gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God.

Is not the bread we break, a sharing in our Lord?
Is not the cup we bless, the blood of Christ our Lord?

Seed scattered and sown,
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God.

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God

The seed which falls on rock will wither and will die
The seed within god ground will flower and have live

Seeds scattered and sown
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God.

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God.

As wheat upon the hills, was gathered and was grown
So may the church of God, be gathered into one

Seeds scattered and sown
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living cup, the living bread of God.”

-Seeds, scattered and sown-

Okay, there may be some errors in the above quote seeing that I wrote it via memory. Memory from more than 10 years ago! I am impressed. I actually remember! Goodness! If only I remembered pharmacy stuffs as well as this kind of things, but that is not the point I’m trying to make here.

I like that song! It’s really really nice, especially the way we harmonized. Really nice! Haha. I guess some of you may already know, I was from choir when I was in primary school. (Those who don’t, I bet you guys are SURPRISED. Yeah, yeah.)

Anyhow, we sang for everything. I loved the songs we sang. They were all meaningful. I guess my most memorable experience was being part of the combined school’s choir where we sang at the national indoor stadium during mass. I have never seen so many people attending mass at the same time before!! Okay, I guess my perspective has changed especially since CHC has like lots more people. Haha. I was young! I didn’t know much. Okay, mass = service, in case some of you don’t know.

I guess the day I took everything seriously was when I closed my eyes in prayer for the first time. That, was when I was in Primary 4. Thereafter, subsequent experience just strengthened my belief, and it just went on like that. I guess attending mass at HFC helped a lot in my belief. Furthermore, we spoke to Him every day! Morning, before meals, after meals, as we leave school… it’s everyday!

Then in secondary school, it’s like I suffered from withdrawal symptoms or something. I could not openly speak to Him. I started to speak to him in the dead of the night, when everyone else is asleep. I would sneak out, and look at the stars, wondering if He had stopped caring about me because I did not pray as much as before. I used to think, God must hate me. Maybe he still does, I don’t know.

Then, I wondered, what if I thought of my prayer. Like, I do not say it out loud, but prayed silently. So that I did, but then I wondered, will God hear me? What if He does not and instead stays angry? It’s like I was frantically holding onto the little bits of God left in me.

Then, someone invited me to CHC. I went. Goodness, it felt good, but I dared not go again. I felt as though, I don’t know. It’s like I’m not fit to be in His House again. After years of absence, it just did not seem right to enter it again.

Maybe that’s one reason.

Maybe there’s another reason.

Like I said, I did not attend bible studies and what not. My idea of God was mine. What if, people say things, which I know not? What if they say, you must do xXx in order to love Him? What if they say you don’t love Him because you don’t do this this this. What if they say, God is actually this this this and not that that that?!

Plus, we prayed to Mother Mary. CHC does not. I was brought up the catholic way! Although I feel that we are praying to the same God, but others might think it is important to have that distinction.

Christians and catholics. Haiz!! Whoever created this difference??!! Zzz.. Make things complicated only!!

Then, first 3 months of JC. Oh dear, back in God’s house again! This time, I can openly speak to Him!! The difference is amazing. How come?! I don’t know!! ZzZ. Then I left. Oh dear. God must hate me now. I just know it!!

Father!!
I’m lost again. Why?! I don’t want to lose you! I know you can hear me. Then who have I been speaking to all this years? I’m really really sorry, Father. Really sorry. Please. Forgive me.

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Alright. You got your answer. You made me think! You @#$@#$@#. I could not concentrate the entire day because of you! zZz.. I actually felt that life stopped. Know why? Coz you made me thought that God would not care about me anymore just because I don’t go. Then I realized if he did, he would have left me a long long time ago, and all this while, I was just living in my little world of delusions. I just realized. It’s hard to live without Him. Crap! I am sprouting nonsense again. IGNORE! IGNORE!!

Okay, I don’t even know what I wrote. You can slowly decipher it. That is, assuming that you have read thus far. You make me feel like some worthless piece of shit who don’t deserve anything!

I’m sorry.
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry.

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“cause you gave me a heart,
And you gave me a smile.
You gave me Jesus.
And you made me a child.

And I just thank you Father
For making me, me.”

-Thank you, Lord.-