“Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

-Anais Nin-

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She has come a long, long way. No doubt, her path was not a smooth one, but rather one strewn with obstacles after another.

How many times have she tried to give up, only to give in again? How many times did she fail, but only to try again? How many tears have she shed for this? How much time have she invested in walking down this path?

Still, the leaves overhead continue to sashay onto her path. The sunlight is still blocked by the large canopy above. The wind whistles an eerie tune that lingers even when one does not feel anything. The environment is changing. Her challengers are changing. Looking back, it seems the path was not as bad as she thought it was. In fact, it now resembles that of child’s play. She takes a deep breath and smiles. It’s not so bad after all, right? Or is it?

She takes a step forward. Silence engulfed her. The scene has changed. The situation is now different. No longer was she in the position she was in 1 year ago. Ahead, the ground was covered with a disarray of roots, seemingly trying to grab onto her as she made her way through. She stopped short. She has come ever so far. Surely, this is but a small matter?

The clearing in front is very much visible, yet unapproachable. Before she knew it, the trees start to surround her. The clearing that she saw starts to disappear. Her goal is now lost. She is now soon to be lost. So near, yet so very far away. The very last hurdle and she is hindered. What has happened? It was a clear destination, yet it is now muddled by so many things!

After struggling thus far, is it now really really… time to give up?

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Pharmacy camp has officially ended last week!! It was fun, exhilarating, exciting, but yet draining and taxing, and oh, so very tiring.

I’m really glad for all the friendships I have made; for all the friendships I have strengthened through this camp. I’m thankful, Father, for all the blessings that you have bestowed onto me; for giving me friendships money cannot buy; for giving me happiness which everyone yearns for; for making me feel blessed and oh, so fortunate.

Still, no matter how blessed I am, no matter how fortunate I know I am, it just seems that I always find things to complain about! Clara! Be happy! Smile!! Start each day with a smile! Look at the mirror and smile! Laugh! Laugh at least once every day. Make everyone happy! Remember your motto: Everyday should be a happy day!

Pharmacy camp is rather an eye opener. It has exposed me to so many different types of leadership styles that sometimes I wish I wasn’t in the team. Everyone is so strong willed and strong headed. It’s hard trying to please everyone. It’s hard trying to be the mediator all the time. It’s hard trying to be messenger all the time. It’s just hard.

One simply cannot please everyone. It’s near impossible!! I tried! I really did try, but I guess I failed. I’m really really sorry to all who feel that the team is not the team that you guys expected. I’m sorry to those who have withdrew from the orientation team after the camp. I’m really sorry! Perhaps, if I had tried harder.. Perhaps, if I wasn’t so distracted by my own stuffs.. Perhaps.. Oh well. There is really no use saying what was not. There’s now FOW to look forward to! TRY HARDER, CLARA!

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Haha. I am supposed to be at float now, but what am I doing? Blogging. I don’t know. I went for float. Everyone was so quiet. I could not take it, decided to return 2 hours later. Haha! I guess everything at home sort of affected my decision to leave for awhile and to spend time alone to sort everything out. Oops! Really sorry to the floaters!!

Seriously, I think this whole holiday is like a walk down guilty lane for me. I am constantly having this urge to say sorry to everyone.

I am sorry to float that I have not committed myself as much as you guys expected me to. I really did not foresee everything that would happen at home though. Oh no, I am making excuses for myself again! zZz. When will I ever learn? Stop making excuses!! Okay, time to put in more time for float!! BE PART OF THE TEAM! NOT MAKE UP THE NUMBERS, CLARA!!

I feel indebted to a lot of people.

Concert people.
Phamacy people.
My family members.
My piano teacher.
My friends.

I feel like saying sorry to each and every one of them, but I know sorry is definitely no cure. Actions speak louder than words!!

Right now, float is like a refuge for me. When I’m doing float, I don’t think of anything else. Not concert, not my family, not my friends, not pharmacy stuffs, not my personal problems. Just float float FLOAT! I don’t want to think too much anyway. If I did, I will probably just throw everything away and run away. RUN RUN RUN!!

No, I can’t really do that, but I think that is exactly what I am doing right now. By constantly channeling my energy into float, I’m running away from concert; running away from whatever that is happening at home; running away from pharmacy stuffs. Oh no! What exactly am I doing to my life?

Sometimes, I wish I don’t ever have to go home. Then, I won’t need to face whatever that’s waiting for me at home, but yet I know I can’t do that. I cannot disappoint my parents anymore!! My mum sent me an e-mail one day. “Do not disappoint us,” she wrote. GOSH!! Really felt like crying when I saw that, but of course I could not. I was in the midst of floating.

WHAT AM I TURNING MY LIFE INTO?
I know not anymore.

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Okay, okay. Back to float.
Smiles, Clara! Everything will be okay! ^.^

Remember your motto: Everyday is a happy day!!
Make everyone around you smile, yeah? HEhe!!

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I feel like a lunatic talking to myself. HAha! Stop reading my blog if you feel irked out. Haha!!

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“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

-Marcel Proust-