This world that God created is no doubt beautiful. It is no doubt amazing and mysterious, and I truly love it. I do, I truly do.

I love it when I see friends hugging one another, giving each other the support that they need. I love it when I see couples looking adoringly into each other's eyes. I love it when I see couples declaring their love for each other so strongly on blogs. I love it when I see people doing special things for the people they love. I love it when a group of people work together towards a common goal.

I love it when nature gives us its best. I love it when the sunset is purplish pink. I love it when the rain drizzles and I get to skip in it. I love it when the leaves flutter onto the ground. I love it when 7 strips of colours adorn the pale blue sky. I love it when the stars twinkle at night, against the blanket of darkness.

There is so much things to be appreciative about; so much to compliment. Yet, despite seeing the HUGE picture, I can't help but dwell on the smaller pictures.

I envy people who are smart; I envy people who are kind.
I envy people who are patient; I envy people who are understanding.
I envy people who have a heart of gold; I envy people who are gregarious.

Why do I envy people so? Is it because I am so unsatisfied with myself? Why then, am I so unsatisfied with myself?

Why do I keep failing my parents?
Supposed to have headed off to DHS, but ended up at CCHMS.
Supposed to have headed off to VJC, but ended up at TJC.
Supposed to have headed off to medicine, but ended up at pharmacy.

Why do I not get things that I want?
Wanted to get into TKGS, but got into CCHMS.
Wanted to get into ACJC, but got into TJC.
Wanted to get into nursing, but got into Pharmacy.

Maybe it's because of my soft character, how I won't push things to go the way I want it to, but don't you think that it's not right to quarrel with your parents all day long? I remember that even when I relent eventually, we would have quarrelled for a month at least, not forgetting me bearing the grudge thereafter.

If I were to do it all over again, I bet I would have done the same too. I don't think I could have stand quarreling with my parents all over again. Besides, it's better if I get upset and disgrunted rather than my parents.

I would also hate the "I told you so" aftermath. Might as well just accept and listen.

I feel so restless.

Why have my life turned out the way it has turned out?
Why have my personality become the way it is?
Why is my character moulded the way it is?

I know, you ask me not to envy others. Whenever I start to envy, you just dismiss it by being angry that I always envy others. Why do I envy others? Maybe because I have more shortcomings than others? Why would I envy others if I did not want to become like them? It sucks to be the person that I am.

Am I doing all things wrong? Did I make a wrong decision somewhere?

I feel as though God wasted a life on me.
I seriously do.
I wonder when will He realise that.
And take it away from me again.