“Smile, and be happy.”

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Yuko dear..
Jiayou okies?
I know you can do it! =)
Stay strong..

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A Story to live by
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated
everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told
her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The
girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected
that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.

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It was 2:00pm. The quiz was way behind schedule. As half of the class left for the lab to do the quiz, she tried to lift her table, and realise that it was a defect. Groaning, she decided to make do with her file as a platform for a table. Somehow, she always ended up at a seat with a defective table! Her friend laughed and commented that she is just plain unlucky these few days.

The lecturer took 10 whole minutes to give out the optical answer sheet as well as the question paper.
“This quiz should be a piece of cake for most of you. I just came out with the questions the night before,” the lecturer commented with a smile on his face.

Somehow, she really doubted his words.

Being seated at the far end of the row meant that it took quite some time before the papers were passed to her. Finally, she managed to get her hands on a piece of OAS and question paper.

“Alright, remember to shade your matric number and write your name on both the question paper and the answer sheet. You may begin now. You have 20 minutes,” the lecturer announced from the front of the lecture theatre. She really hates that smug smile on his face.

She started writing her name, but when it came to her matric number, she was stunned. I think you guys are going to laugh, but can you believe it? She forgot her matric number! Ridiculous isn’t it? She has been using the same numbers for 1 ½ years, yet it has suddenly slipped her mind! Panicking, she struggled to recall, while cursing herself for being so stupid! Argh!

In the end, she looked at her friend’s paper next to her, and suddenly she recalled what her matric numbers were. Geez! By then, she had already spent 5 minutes deciphering her ‘lost’ matric number.

She is so screwed – to even forget what her matric number is signifies the status of her brain.
Brain dead.

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To me
God is merciful
God is magnanimous
God is the ultimate humanitarian

To me
God is flawless
God is all powerful
God is ubiquitous

To me
God is always there
God always cares
God is my friend

To me
God is not just someone. He forgives, and readily accepts people.

To me
God does not judge. He loves without discriminating. Just because one does not believe in Him, does not render him unloved. God loves everyone – even those who have back-slid or those who just simply refuse to believe in his existence. God does not condemn anyone – even if one does not believe, He will not send him or her to the bottomless pit of hell. God offers unrequited love. He does not expects or demand any form of return. He still loves you anyway. God loves all his children – even if one believes in another God, God still treats that someone equally, if they were to meet. He treats all children like one of his own.

That is my God.
Just because one refuses to believe in Him, God will not leave that person alone.
Just because one has committed ‘sins’, God will forgive him whether that person repents on not.
God does not condemn people who think of evil thoughts – He listens and cares.
He understands that somehow, somewhere, something went wrong – that all Men harbour such thoughts. The thing is to prevent such thoughts from becoming real, and not to critic Men based on those thoughts.

It’s weird isn’t it? To say that God is ever forgiving, by saying that God forgives all Men who harbours evil thought, when everyone harbours such thoughts once in a while? To say that God love Men by sending his only son to die on the cross for us, so as to wash away all our sins – part thereof is the sin of having those evil thoughts or lying not knowingly etc. To sadly say that all Men has sinned seem to be a deliberate act to amplify the image of God, but yet, it also makes him seem like a dominant God.

Prevention is better than cure.
Why ‘forgive’ those sins when those sins were manifested in Men since they were born? Why not just eradicate the seed of sins within Men?

I don’t like the way the image of God has changed in my eyes.
I want God to remain the way He is to me.
I don’t want anyone else to tell me what God is like.
I don’t want anyone else to tell me what I should do to make God like me more.
I don’t want anyone else to tell me how wrong I am if I do not do this, this, or this.

I want to discover God myself.
I want to understand God myself.
I want to feel God myself.

I want to talk to God again, and not get scared that by talking to him, I’m revealing all the sins that he disapproves of.
I want to look to God again, and not get scared that he will condemn me because I have not done things other people says I should do, or done.
I want to walk beside God again, and not worry about not being worthy.

I want God as my friend again.

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I am feeling the way I felt last semester again.

I don’t know how I should feel.
I don’t know how I should think.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know what I should say.

Again, it’s during the exam period.
Will it be like this every semester?

Tortured.
Tormented.
Strangulated by my own confused thoughts and feelings.

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“Just smile, Clara”