"Trust & the heart are very similar.
You can give it to someone, it can be given to you, & it can be broken.
The only difference is when your heart is broken, it's harder to fix."

-------------

I can't sleep.
Maybe it's the coffee and tea combination.
Or maybe, it's the huge swirl of mess swimming in my head.
Or maybe, I'm just too afraid to fall asleep.

Either way, this shall be my last sad post.
After this, I vow to write happy ones.
After this, I vow not to write about this incident ever again.

------------

They left hand in hand.

Together, they made their way to town. The journey started awkward. Both party not knowing what to do. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she knew not how to put them into words. How could she do it? Why did she do it? Was it a mistake? Questions went unanswered. Fears went unspoken. Tears gathered, but she knew she should not. Must not. It was to be their last outing. It should be happy.

"Is that the sports school?" he asked out of the blue, pointing at the impressive building across, breaking the ice between them. She smiled.

They talked. Each apologizing to the other, feeling sorry, feeling the guilt that yearned to consume them. They forced each other to promise; seeking reassurance for the other party's happiness. For him, the overwhelming grief became a blanket of comfort, masking all other emotions. For her, the guilt clawed its way to her heart, aiming to eat her alive. She never meant any of this.

The night flew by. They exchanged their gifts. She fervently hope that her gift would benefit him in some way. Although he feels that it's too late, to her, it's never too late. Better late then never, they used to say, and she knew - she simply knew - that he was capable. Yet, his cold reply seemed to pierce deep into her heart. Did she really cause this?

They had their last meal. The food didn't taste so good, and he said, "You taste what you feel." Perhaps so. Perhaps so. They joked, as if it was a normal dinner. They laughed, as if it's just another ordinary day. They talked, like they have never talked before. They shared, like they have never shared before. 'Why did it take 2 years?' she could not help thinking. Sadness once again attempted to creep in, but she brushed it aside. Today will be a happy night. It must. For a moment, she thought to reverse her decision, but she knew she wouldn't be able to love him the way she loved him again. To stay would deal him such injustice and unfairness. She held herself back and went back to wondering what would it be like, if he had woken up earlier.

Selfishly, she wished the dinner would last forever. She wished they could remain as friends. She wished she could have more heart. As with most wishes she made, wishes shall remain as wishes. The dinner ended before she knew it.

As they made their way to the station, she leaned on him like she used to, subconsciously.

"You're not making this easier, you know," he pointed out with a smile. She looked at him, and whispered sorry. Again, she asked. Why?

"You know, it's not a separation," he said again, with that same smile. She looked away and laugh. It was ironic to the point of amusing. Tonight was to be the night she consoled him, but fate being fate simply loves fooling people around.

Lastly, they were back at where they started. At the end of the day, they have come full circle. They stood at the bus stop, and looked at each other. They hugged. She cried. He laughed and commented at how wrong this situation looked. She laughed, but she could not bear to let go.

As with all good-byes, it's hard.
They made their promises.
They gave their last hug; their last kiss, and with a wave, they left one another.

She promised she would not cry the moment she got back home.
And so, she cried, there and then at the bus stop.
She cried for the act she has done.
She cried for the heart she has broken.
She cried for the feelings lost.
She cried for the memories left.

And when her eyes grew tired, she got up, wiped away her tears, and made her way back home with a smile.

She promised.

-------------

Thank you, for all that you have done.
Thank you, for the wonderful nights.
Thank you, for the amazing outings.
Thank you, for the meals.
Thank you, for the gifts.
Thank you, for the nights during concert.
Thank you, for the company.
Thank you, for the happiness.
Thank you, for the laughter.
Thank you, for the smiles.
Thank you, for the efforts.
Thank you, for the memories.
And Thank you, for the growth I have undergone.

You have made a positive difference in my life, there is no doubt about that.
I just hope, I did the same to you too.

I promised I won't cry. And I won't.
This will be the last sad post.

---------------

Without sadness, there won't be happiness.
Without darkness, there won't be light.
Without flaws, there won't be virtues.
Without evil, there won't be good.
Without tears, there won't be joy.

I won't say everything has a reason, but I would say one must experience both ends to fully appreciate either one. I do not regret doing anything, and I cherish every experience I go through.

I may be sad.
I may curse.
I may swear.
I may even blame.
But if I were to do everything again, I probably would have made the same choices. =)

------------

So now,
friends have left hall.
My confidante have left hall.
People in hall seem foreign having missed orientation.
Pharmacy seem stressful having missed one week of lectures.
Assignments overflowing.
Deadlines looming.
What's next?

-------------

"The heartache and tears you put me through,
It hurt so much.
But you were worth every tear and heartache."