For women who are 'difficult' to love.

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

Just because she is always up there. Always in a position of authority doesn't mean that she is always right?

What has she to base on for me to call her mum?
Has she guided me through anything?

Where was she during my university years?
I was so happy to be away from her!

Does she think that spending those hundreds of dollars on me is suffice to win me over?
SHE WAS NEVER HERE.

What gives her the right to call me RUDE
She is always so superficial that it IRKS me.

What's the point of always being so high and mighty!!!
I HATE THIS SOCIETY
It is just made up of FAKE people with FAKE smiles and FAKE attitude.
IT STINKS.

You tell me all the hopes that you have; everything you wish I would be.
You compare me with every other children on earth; rank me with every other person on earth.
Has there been a point where you are ever proud of me?

I'm so tired trying to be someone I'm not meant to be.

I'm so tired now;
IN THIS STUPID SOCIETY
WHERE NOTHING IS REAL.

Where everything is merely done to please someone else...

My blog name is superficially realistic.. I wonder how does that work out? I guess it's as confusing as life. Maybe I'm just a really complicated person with complex thoughts.

Anyhow, you know how after certain depressing moments, you'll tell yourself, I'll not go through that again; or, things can't possibly get worse; or, I'll make sure it does not happen again?

Well, more often than not, things just have to go against the way you want it to be. I thought I grew stronger after everything. I thought I would never let something so minor get to me ever. I thought I was... well, yeah, stronger. But today, I realised how weak I still am, how useless I still am, and how I really still am the girl I was 2 years ago. All those ludicrous ideas of me growing stronger are simply full of shit because that simply did not happen. Getting terribly distracted at work, and then getting so worked up in public simply proves how fallible I am.

Haiz..

Just simply tired.