Monday, March 31, 2008

“I promise you,
I will be your friend.
I promise you,
I will give you my hand.
I will lead you to,
A land that you
Can always call your home.
I promise you
I’ll care for you
Till the end.

I promise you,
A family full of love.
I promise you,
Like the stars are above.
I will bless your home
With happiness and laughter every day.
I promise you
I’ll care for you
All the way.”


-God’s Promise-

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Alright! We got our PSP!

Today, my brother and I specially went all the way to Hougang to get our PSP!! Our entire trip took 3 hours, with 2 hours spent on travelling!! Can you imagine? Though Singapore is small, it still takes up a lot of time to travel from place to place!! Nevertheless, I’m not complaining! Singapore has one of the most efficient public transport system, and I am thankful for that!! =P

Why did we get a PSP instead of Nintendo DS Lite?

Although, I really really wanted the Nintendo DS Lite, the PSP seemed to be more economical in the long run. But the games! I heard that DS Lite provides more interactive and interesting games! Haha. It’s hard to decide between the DS Lite and the PSP. However, we chose the PSP for reasons which I think cannot be stated here, otherwise I’ll be hounded!!

My brother actually let me choose the colour, the accessory, everything!! So sweet!! Haha. This is weird seeing that he will be the one who will be using it most of the time. I guess this is his way of making up. HAha!! Funny. So cute.

Love love love my brother!! He treated me to Mcdonald’s after that!! Yum yum!!

Alright! Our next trip would be to queensway to get new shoes!! I have wanted to get a pair of running shoe since months ago! No one took heed. =[

Coincidentally, my brother wanted one too! Yes YES!! As such, we decided to meet one day and go together.

Oops, I would have to apologise to someone whom I PSed. Sorry sorry.

Haiz. Why is society so complicated?! Because of so many restrictions and circumstances, we are unable to embark on so many things. Yet, if we do not take heed, we are merely digging our own graves.

Then again, great Men are those who went against society’s norm. It takes great courage to really do whatever you want, without considering what others would think. Naturally, it would be easier if one had the support of friends in the process.

I tried. Still trying, but with no support.
I feel as though I’m failing.

I feel like giving up.
Father!!

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After a near 2-hour talk with my friend by the staircase landing, I have made up my mind. I shall stay on, and at the very least get my degree. All other thoughts are secondary. As long as I reach my goal, it does not matter whether I strayed from the direct path. The most is I make a round rather than a straight road. Who knows? I might probably grow more, and experience a more enriching life just by threading upon that loop!

I’m lucky. I know what I want. I know what I want to become ultimately. My friend is right. At least I know what I want. Some people don’t even know, simply taking the degree for the sake of taking a degree.

My dad always wondered why on earth did I give up a double degree, with a scholarship thrown in as well, for such a mediocre degree which has no bright prospects what-so-ever. Well, that’s because I know that the double degree will most likely kill me, and I have no interest in it at all! Although, I have to admit that sometimes I do question myself if I have indeed made the right choice.

Okay, I’m getting SO ahead of myself. Study hard first! =P

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I just heard from my brother that my dad is getting a new phone, and supposedly for me! Oh dear!! And all because I casually told my brother and mother last week that I preferred a slimmer phone! Ahh.. Why is my dad so nice and sweet?! WHY?

In contrast, why am I such an un-filial, ungrateful child!! Why do I not miss my parents when I am in hall? Why? When my mum first went to China to work, I used to miss her. I used to wonder why she could only remain in Singapore for less than 5 days at times. Then, slowly, I started getting used to it. Nevertheless, I was always the one calling her, and then passing the phone around.

I don’t understand!! Am I that horrible?! What happened, Clara?!

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@#$@#!%$%

My thumb drive died! I don’t know how, I don’t know why, it just refused to work! My precious data!! All inside! All my memories! That one important thumb drive just had to die!!

-sobs sobs-

Why? Why? WHY?!?!

I feel as though a part of my memory has been taken away from me. Time was stolen.
Sad.
SAD!

I don’t wanna go to school.

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Life is wonderful

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help."
There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were u the one who changed my sign this morning? What did u write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what u said but in a different way."

What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day & I cannot see it."

Do you think the first sign & the second sign were saying the same thing?

Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story:
Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative.
Be innovative.

Think differently and positively.
Invite the people towards good with wisdom.

Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets. When Life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs.

Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve.
Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Each day is as special as you want it to be………

MAKE IT GREAT

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This weekend, I went home with the full intention to start on the project I decided to undertake. First, I would have to dig out my flash CD. After 15 minutes of digging, there was still no sight of the CD. Instead, I got my hands on one of my primary school CD. Memories simply flooded my mind, as images of happy times flashed across. I could not help but smile. I can safely say that the happiest period of my life is my primary school days.

A lot of people comment that the happiest days would be either JC or Uni. However, seeing that my university has yet to end, for now, primary school days are the happiest for me. Secondary school was disastrous, and I would be happy to forget everything that happened within those 4 years, thank you very much. JC was interesting and weirdly nostalgic during the first 3 months, but after that it just turned somewhat mundane. Of course, it was much more interesting than my life in Secondary School, but it still cannot be compared to the life I had at my primary school.

Previously, I mentioned that I have never been in any other musical in my life aside from Filodoksia. Well, on retrospect, I was clearly wrong. I have been involved in 2 other musicals; one in Primary school, and the other when I was in Secondary School. No doubt, the one held while I was in Primary School was on a smaller scale, being held at the Victoria Concert hall (while my Secondary School one was held at the esplanade, but an important fact to note is that the esplanade was not yet built during my primary school era), however I greatly enjoyed that experience more than that of my Secondary School’s.

I realized that when I was in my Primary School, I was involved in every performance, part of every play my class produced.. I was in everything!! I guess I love the stage. HAha!

Self-centered again! Sheesh!!

I really think that my primary school did a good job! Recently, in every hall production I went to, I will be sure to see one of my primary school classmate involved. It’s so cool! Okay, maybe Singapore is just small, but still, it’s EVERY hall production! Mind you, I’ve been to a lot! Even NTU’s! I simply love love love my primary school! It’s the school I miss the most!

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Okay, there is a reason why I wrote a super, ultra dubly long post this time.

Congratulations, if you have made it this far, but you can stop reading now.

Then again, if you insist on wanting to read on, by all means.

Here is a warning though, you might feel angered, pissed or even upset after reading the following passage. I shall not be held accountable for any emotional harm that you may develop. You emotional well-being is not my responsibility.

Beware, for you have been warned.

You are reading on, AT YOUR OWN RISK!

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“Seeds, scattered and sown
Weeds, gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God.

Is not the bread we break, a sharing in our Lord?
Is not the cup we bless, the blood of Christ our Lord?

Seed scattered and sown,
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God.

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God

The seed which falls on rock will wither and will die
The seed within god ground will flower and have live

Seeds scattered and sown
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living bread of God.

Wine fruit of the land
Wine work of our hands
One cup that is shared by all
The living cup, the living bread of God.

As wheat upon the hills, was gathered and was grown
So may the church of God, be gathered into one

Seeds scattered and sown
Weeds gathered and grown
Bread broken and shared as one
The living cup, the living bread of God.”


-Seeds, scattered and sown-


Okay, there may be some errors in the above quote seeing that I wrote it via memory. Memory from more than 10 years ago! I am impressed. I actually remember! Goodness! If only I remembered pharmacy stuffs as well as this kind of things, but that is not the point I’m trying to make here.

I like that song! It’s really really nice, especially the way we harmonized. Really nice! Haha. I guess some of you may already know, I was from choir when I was in primary school. (Those who don’t, I bet you guys are SURPRISED. Yeah, yeah.)

Anyhow, we sang for everything. I loved the songs we sang. They were all meaningful. I guess my most memorable experience was being part of the combined school’s choir where we sang at the national indoor stadium during mass. I have never seen so many people attending mass at the same time before!! Okay, I guess my perspective has changed especially since CHC has like lots more people. Haha. I was young! I didn’t know much. Okay, mass = service, in case some of you don’t know.

I guess the day I took everything seriously was when I closed my eyes in prayer for the first time. That, was when I was in Primary 4. Thereafter, subsequent experience just strengthened my belief, and it just went on like that. I guess attending mass at HFC helped a lot in my belief. Furthermore, we spoke to Him every day! Morning, before meals, after meals, as we leave school… it’s everyday!

Then in secondary school, it’s like I suffered from withdrawal symptoms or something. I could not openly speak to Him. I started to speak to him in the dead of the night, when everyone else is asleep. I would sneak out, and look at the stars, wondering if He had stopped caring about me because I did not pray as much as before. I used to think, God must hate me. Maybe he still does, I don’t know.

Then, I wondered, what if I thought of my prayer. Like, I do not say it out loud, but prayed silently. So that I did, but then I wondered, will God hear me? What if He does not and instead stays angry? It’s like I was frantically holding onto the little bits of God left in me.

Then, someone invited me to CHC. I went. Goodness, it felt good, but I dared not go again. I felt as though, I don’t know. It’s like I’m not fit to be in His House again. After years of absence, it just did not seem right to enter it again.

Maybe that’s one reason.

Maybe there’s another reason.

Like I said, I did not attend bible studies and what not. My idea of God was mine. What if, people say things, which I know not? What if they say, you must do xXx in order to love Him? What if they say you don’t love Him because you don’t do this this this. What if they say, God is actually this this this and not that that that?!

Plus, we prayed to Mother Mary. CHC does not. I was brought up the catholic way! Although I feel that we are praying to the same God, but others might think it is important to have that distinction.

Christians and catholics. Haiz!! Whoever created this difference??!! Zzz.. Make things complicated only!!

Then, first 3 months of JC. Oh dear, back in God’s house again! This time, I can openly speak to Him!! The difference is amazing. How come?! I don’t know!! ZzZ. Then I left. Oh dear. God must hate me now. I just know it!!

Father!!
I’m lost again. Why?! I don’t want to lose you! I know you can hear me. Then who have I been speaking to all this years? I’m really really sorry, Father. Really sorry. Please. Forgive me.

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Alright. You got your answer. You made me think! You @#$@#$@#. I could not concentrate the entire day because of you! zZz.. I actually felt that life stopped. Know why? Coz you made me thought that God would not care about me anymore just because I don’t go. Then I realized if he did, he would have left me a long long time ago, and all this while, I was just living in my little world of delusions. I just realized. It’s hard to live without Him. Crap! I am sprouting nonsense again. IGNORE! IGNORE!!

Okay, I don’t even know what I wrote. You can slowly decipher it. That is, assuming that you have read thus far. You make me feel like some worthless piece of shit who don’t deserve anything!

I’m sorry.
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry
Sorry.

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“cause you gave me a heart,
And you gave me a smile.
You gave me Jesus.
And you made me a child.

And I just thank you Father
For making me, me.”


-Thank you, Lord.-

--------------------oOo--------------------

Sunday, March 23, 2008

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."

-Luke 6:37-

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My adorable brother bought me a cute cute cute mushroom! And all because I told him that it was ultra, superdubly cute! Haha!! Love love love him!! He is so so sweet. I gurantee that he will make the best boyfriend on earth! Wahah.. Don't worry, I know he is NOT my boyfriend. Hee!

Happy Happy Happy!!

Today, my brother and I watched August Rush together. A fabulous movie! Simply love love love it!! It's such a heartwarming movie. I love the way they blend music with the natural surrounding. Simply amazing. Nice!!

Music is all around us.
It's like magic! Not really visible, but exists all the same.
It's like God's gift to mankind! Mysterious, equipped with the power to heal.
Music is so so formidable. It has powers one knows not. It can evoke all kinds of emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, hatred, regret...
Music has no boundaries. It opens to all walks of life. Anyone, and everyone can listen if they want to. It opens up everyone's heart!!
Music can be found everywhere. Just everywhere! I like the kind where you hear in the dead of the night, in the middle of the forest, or in the depth of silence. It's like communicating with nature. It's like.. I don't know.

Somehow, I feel that sometimes music allows us to reflect. It sometimes allows us to stumble upon rare facts of life. It opens our mind and our heart. It is just... amazing. It allows us to understand ourselves better. It allows us to express ourselves. It can.. I don't know again.

Oh man, it's kind of hard to pen down the wonders of music.

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Zzz.. I really cannot answer that question. There are just too many externalities that will greatly affect the circumstances, and truly, the decision does not lie with me. It's not like, I can do whatever I want to. Badminton isn't like handball. In handball, everyone starts out at roughly the same level. Everyone learns the sport from scratch. On the other hand, in badminton, people start from as young as 6! How can I be compared to them? As such, it all depends on next year's freshmen. If there are better players, of course, I won't have a chance, but.. if there aren't, WAHAHAH!! I get to be in the team!!!

Yes Yes yes!! But of course, I will pray that there are better players. Hehe.

Gosh, I'm so self-centered sometimes!! Zzz..

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Err.. Whoever is reading this, you can stop reading now. Haha. Really. STOP STOP STOP!!

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I said stop reading!!
STOP!
STOP READING!!

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Okay, I guess you are reading on. Oh well.
Haha..

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Are you talking about me in your blog? Haiz. I don't know.
Really sorry. I didn't mean to.
I really didn't.
Haiz.
I'm so so so sorry!
Haiz..
Haiz..
Just be happy bah.
Smile smile smile!!
Don't be sad, ok? =]

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Well, after one big round, I am back again. Same atmosphere, but different location. Nevertheless, everything is still the same. Haha. This time, there is even chinese subtitles!! Nice improvement! =P Hmmm.. so what do I have to say? Not sure either. Suddenly, so many different feelings. It's so hard to describe. Zzz..

Anyhow, it feels nice to be back. Really nice. But, I doubt.. Haiz.. I haven't any idea what to write also.

Hmm.. But I do like the feeling. I feel happy all over again, I hope. I guess. I think.

Okay, maybe I don't. I just like the feeling. Hehe. Lalala..

To be back again, it's like getting reborn. Talking to Him again, in His house, is such a different feeling. But, it'll only be yesterday..

Happy happy happy!! =]

The song is stuck in my head, as usual!!...

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I feel super fortunate! Thank you, thank you, thank you, God!! Thank for being by my side ever since I could remember! Please do help my friends. Grant them the happiness you bestowed upon me! =P Guide them as they discover themselves. Finals are coming! Grant them the strength to study hard! Forget the midterms, forget the disastrous lab reports, forget all screwed presentations! Just strive until the end! Thanks thanks, again, God. ^.^

Amen.

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"Happy is the man who finds wisdom and understanding for the
gain from it is better than gain from silver and profit better than
gold."


-Proverbs 3:13,14-

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Saturday, March 08, 2008

“To sing and dance, is but a fantasy.
To study pharmacy, now that’s reality.”


-Faith-

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24 Things to always remember

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot … goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life’s treasures are people together.

Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a start.

AND DO NOT EVER FORGET ….
FOR EVEN A DAY
HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE!

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Life’s a mystery.

Of course, it’s not as simple as what has been described above, but it also does not hurt to heed the above advice. To look at the brighter side of things might be easier said than done, but to try once in a while might just make life easier to get by. Do not dwell on the past, but rather concentrate on what can be done to alter your path for the future.

Sometimes, I feel that by looking at the brighter side of things, some people might interpret it as adopting a ‘heck care’ attitude. Like for example, when I have unsatisfactory results, people expect me to feel sad, or disappointed, and to act like it.

Yes, I do feel sad. I do feel disappointed, but what’s the use of showing it? Wouldn’t life be happier if we just take it as a lesson and move on? What’s the use of moping about, cursing and stabbing yourself repeatedly with a knife just because you did not do well in one particular test? Just because I do not act the way I should be, doesn’t mean that I do not care!

Sometimes, I feel that I care so deeply, that how I wish I didn’t care. Sometimes, I know that I will have to let go, but still though I make it seem as though I have let go, I have in fact held onto it more tightly than ever. Oh man, I need to learn to let go!

Nothing remains forever. Forever is but a word created by Man to satisfy their craving for an idealistic world. Forever is but a word to sweeten the heart of Man, to create an image of fantasy, and for Man to live in a world of lies.

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After yesterday, I think I finally understood why I wanted to be a nurse. Learning that 2 of my hall mates had fallen sick, I could do nothing, but sit and pray hard that nothing happens to them. I could do nothing, but pray they have a speedy recovery and a good night’s sleep. I could do nothing, but watch as they suffer in silence.

I hate this feeling of helplessness. I hate this feeling of redundancy and uselessness. I loathe this feeling of powerless. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT! Why does God have to give each of us a handicap?

I feel that God has given each of us a handicap, though we may not know it. Be it physically or talent wise, each of us would have something that we cannot do. Everyone would have felt that horrible feeling of uselessness at one point or another. Disgusting! I hate it!

Then again, without this handicap, I guess everyone would be the same. There will not be any individuality in Man. The word ‘unique’ and ‘special’ would have lost its value. Talents would no longer be of significance. Anyone with an IQ of 200 would be as normal as everyone else. Life would be such a bore. Mundane would dominate the world. No one would feel like living.

I shall trust in God, and believe that he does everything for a reason. Whatever He has or intend to put me through will not only strengthen me, but mould my character to the best it can be!

Thank you God once again, for blessing me with a happy family, thoughtful and nice friends who never fail to make my day and a healthy body despite my bad habits. Thanks thanks!

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Believe in Yourself

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

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“There’s a magic in everyone.
Let’s work this magic,
and cast a spell on everyone,
such that everyone would be happy,
contented and feel blessed,
no matter who or where
he or she may be.”


-Faith-

--------------------oOo--------------------

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Everyone all says,
If you need any help,
Do not hesitate to ask.

She smiles and nods,
but how is she to ask,
when she knows not what she needs help in?

Gone case.

Mid terms are flowing, flowing, flowing,
down the river.

-shakes head-
-sighs-

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Everything is so disorganized and disoriented. Swirling and hurling about within that pea-sized brain of mine, tossing and turning like nobody's business. I am super duber, uber confused.

Should I?

What if in the end, I do not get any?!

So, should I?

Hmmm.. Thinking again..

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The show is so cute!! So sweet. Hilarious to the point of idiocrisy.

Though, I have a feeling it's all fantasy.

Haiz..

Dreaming of...

-slap slap-

Wake up!!

zZzzz..

Never mind, I shall continue dreaming of..

-sheesh-
-heez-
-dreamy eyes-

--------------------oOo--------------------