"When you showed someone who you felt, it was fresh and honest.
When you told someone how you felt, there might be nothing behind the words but habit or expectation."

-Handle with Care, Jodi Picoult-

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What happens if the pharmacists in Singapore suddenly goes on strike??

I'm just wondering..
Will there be any loss?

Or will doctors and nurses just take over the pharmacists?
How important are the pharmacists here?

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A leopard doesn't ever change its spots.
A zebra doesn't change it's stripes.

But.. humans change?
Can humans change?
Or is it naiveness on my part again..

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"I think you can love a person too much.

You put someone up on a pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong - a hair out of place, a run in a stocking, a broken bone. You spend all your time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart yourself. You don't even realize what you look like, how far you've deteriorated, because you only have eyes for someone else."

-Handle with Care, Jodi Picoult-

I'm back!

I hope someone is pleased that I'm back!

Anyways, I'm back with a pair of immobile legs, mosquito bites that swell and itches like hell, and a deep hatred for PRCs.

Like seriously, I have not met any other less civilised people! If they were rushing for food, or some other basic necessity, granted the shoving and pushing, but simply for the world expo?! It's no wonder tourists avoid it like a plaque.

I deem the world expo at Shanghai A TOTAL FAILURE.

They spit everywhere, ungraciously push and shove everyone in their way, without a thought to say excuse me! I am utterly disgusted. And, I can't say that I'm not ashamed to be a Chinese as that! Every single day, I witness the most disgusting act being thrown out by Chinese! It pisses me off, and I'm not sorry to say that I even quarreled with them.

Geez! I have never been at a place with so many PRCs before, and I dare say I wouldn't return to China for another 6 years! I hate that place!

So now I'm just a burden; Something to push aside when your plate is full.

How would you feel, if someone comes to you and say, "I'm sorry, but I've already got my plate full. Could you please not add to it?"

I have never felt worse.
To be a burden, rather than of help.
To be a hindrance, a sore eye, a white elephant.. Basically, something detestable.

What have I done? FREAK.

Why am I treated like trash by EVERYONE!!

I GIVE UP.
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

But I know, no matter what.. I'll still do.

I really hate myself.

Father, Why did you make me the way I am?
I'm of no use to anyone.

Father, I've done my best to be nice. I've done my best to be friendly. I've done my best to accomplish what people tell me to do. Although, I admit, there are times I've fallen short of expectations, but why do nice people get bullied?

Why am I so soft? Why do I not have the courage to stand up for myself? People say I'm just so easily bullied. Will I be able to survive anywhere?

I feel, I'll just die in society.

Why, Father?
Why?

I beg of you, at least tell me what is there for me in future..
Thrown around by more people?
Tossed around, perhaps?

How do I learn to stand up for myself?! HOW?!

Will there be a time when a prince charming comes and rescue me? One where I can see his true face; one whose smile is genuine with a sincere intention to rescue me; one who does not hide behind his suit armour; one who tries to understand me for who I am..

I'm sorry, but I hate everything now.

Disclaimer: I know I'm ranting a lot nowadays; complaining a lot, whining a lot, emo-ing alot. Maybe I haven't grown up yet. Sometimes, I feel like i'm going through what a teenager is going through, 'cause I was never bothered with such feelings in the past. I admit. I'm still immature. Maybe, when I become more mature, I'll revert back to my old format of posting.

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Maybe I am indeed of last priority. I am placed right at the bottom, after friends, after games, after work, even after boredom. I am merely there for the sake of convenience, even to the extent of being a burden. I am of least importance and probably of no importance at all.

At least, that is what was portrayed to me.

Could have at least asked if I wanted to play, or if i ate, but I guess every other things are more important.

And after such super, ultra, duper boring and terribly and dreadfully lifeless day, I actually have to start on my presentation which I absolutely don't feel like doing after staying up the past few weeks just doing work! And now, more work! OMG! And whee! We're paid $5 a day.

And oh! It's all FOR OUR OWN GOOD! We get to learn more! We are being trained to be stronger! To be able to think on our feet! To be able to take direct shots! Yippee! What a nice place the hospital is, forever thinking of ways to improve us.

Wow. Need I explain more?

1 more week.

And, it's time to wise up and think: What do I want in future?

Do you think I know not the right thing to do?
Of course, the most sensible thing to do would be to voice my opinions to my preceptor, but I really have no guts, no courage to do it.

I have given up.

I shall continue crying in the stairwell when I cannot take it, 'cause I have no guts.

I'm not like you.
I'm not like everyone else.
I'm just a scared spineless cat.

Craps! Why can't you just encourage me when I need it? Ultimately, I'm alone in dealing with everything.

I feel like exploding.

I don't know what to say.

Do smarter brains equate to more arrogance?
Do higher confidence equate to more arrogance?

I suddenly feel that it is truly the case for the majority.
People who are more confident, be it talented, or just having the brains, or just having the charisma, seems to exude this air of arrogance; this "I know this better than you do, do it this way," or this, "If I can do it, why not you?"

I guess once you're up there, it's hard to comprehend how some people can be down there when you can be up there, which is a ridiculous attitude. Seriously!

Oops. Having a headache now. I better sleep. Tomorrow is a long day, and the frustration within me is like going to explode soon, and I fear we may all die of depression, in a depressing hospital, with depressing staffs.

I want a TCA!

Haha. I wish.

Good night, world, and may everything turn out fine for..
Pretty please..

It is an irritating feeling, to have a teacher who TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO, and to DO IT HER WAY!!
Usually, this frustration is let off as students will complain to one another, but since this teacher only has ONE student, aka ME, I can't rant to anyone, and I am super super frustrated with her, of having to things HER WAY. I mean, the assignment is mine. The lecturers are mine. How will she know what my lecturers want?! Does she think that producing a good assignment will reflect that she is good? OMG. This is so political. I'm like an innocent pawn caught amidst this political war!

Do people know what is Paracetamol? Do you think ah mahs and ah gongs above the age of 60 know what is paracetamol? Ok, so fine. You want me to use the word paracetamol. I will. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ADDING, FOR EG, PANADOL!! It's a counseling assignment for goodness sake! We are not writing some scientific journal for school. Pisses me off, and I can't sleep now 'cause I'm too pissed off.

The assignments wants us to write OUR counseling points. Counseling points that WE ACTUALLY TOLD THE PATIENT! Why the hell does she want me to write out a TEXTBOOK answer?! If that's the case, I might as well not counsel AT ALL! I might as well not bother to dispense at all! AS IF the patient will understand what is an anti-histamine. I don't see her saying all those things while she is counseling!

And she asks, ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE THIS DURING AN EXAM? LIKE, THIS IS NOT AN EXAM. It's a practical log of our prescriptions! If I have to simply submit textbook answer, I MIGHT AS WELL NOT ATTEND THIS FREAKING FRUSTRATING PRECEPTOSHIP!

I can't wait for this to end. My preceptor is pissing me and off and irritating me to hell.

2 more weeks.